Venom on The Fray for their "Heartless" cover

I'm not a die-hard Kanye devotee -- to me, he's always been one of those artists that I'm willing to extend the benefit of the doubt, somebody on my Musical To-Do list who I imagine is probably talented enough to justify acquiring an appreciation for one of these days.

I had about as much exposure to the song "Heartless" as anybody else. Not such a bad song, right? It's not like I worship "Heartless" and get all giddy whenever it comes on. Just another one of the R&B singles you recognize.

Then I hear this on the radio:

WTF? Why does this exist? Who was sitting around and thought, "You know what the world needs? A shitty, smarmy, whimpy, extra-vanilla cover version of that one Kanye song." The Fray, apparently, is who. Apparently they're from Denver also, which compounds my venom with shame.

What audience out there would be glad that this exists? If you love the original, it's a disgrace. If you're indifferent to the original, it's irrelevant. If you hate the original, it's completely unneccesary.

Venom on you, The Fray. Maximum venom.

Honey on Mom

My distant mother dines in bed today
and though I'd like to burn her whole-wheat toast
or find a way to screw up scrambled eggs
I cannot send her breakfast via post

Today she'll miss my badly-brewed coffee
and sausages pulled off the stove too late
She'll have to be content with good timing
and eating off of properly-washed plates

It's not that cooking's such a dreadful chore
but precedents are dangerous, for sure
Today I won't be there to prove once more
we'd better just leave breakfast up to her

(And secretly, I think that mothers love
to be reminded what they're masters of)

Honey on "Spumoni" (Italian Restaurant, Sherman Oaks)

(Ed.: Just wrote this review for Google and figured I might as well post it here, too. Enjoy!)

Spumoni Restaurant 14533 Ventura Blvd, Sherman Oaks, CA 91403

Delicious food, satisfying without being too heavy, certainly high-quality enough to satisfy the sophisticated palate, yet tasty enough to please the most plebeian of uncultured swine.

The staff are EXTREMELY attentive, courteous and friendly -- they consistently go out of their way to make you feel welcome and at home.

This location happens to be an excellent intimate setting for dates (I've taken my share here), as well as accomodating for larger family-style groups. The menu (selection- and price range-wise) is well-suited for parties of any size. They've catered large-scale lunches for me also, all successes.

I can't say enough good about this place. I've taken tons of people here over the years, and not one of them regretted it -- at least not that I know of!

Honey on "The Hazards Of Love" by the Decemberists

Great job, Decemberists! I absolutely love this album -- I mean, I've always liked the band, but this completely blows me away. It deserves a place in the rock canon along with concept greats like the Who's "Tommy", Pink Floyd's "Dark Side" and the Kinks' "Arthur", all renown not only for their marvelous execution of a theme but (perhaps more importantly) for being musically brilliant.

Most of the reviews I've read are somewhere between tepid and warm -- there seems to be a consensus dismissal of the album as a prog-roots '70s throwback. It's true, they don't make albums like this anymore. Ya know why? Because reviewers don't understand or appreciate them!

That, and (really) the medium is the message: "album-oriented rock" was a natural outgrowth of a) the invention of LPs and b) the proliferation of FM radio. The advent of the MP3 devolved music back to the '50s and the era of 45s. While rich in musical texture, "The Hazards Of Love" is devoid of a catchy stand-out single. On their own, I personally think the songs are really good -- but, like any truly "great" album, the whole is more than the sum of its parts.
Since Napster, the big record labels have mounted a massive PR campaign of lies. They want you to think they're in danger of going out of business, which they are not. (I bet people who do not actually make music will still find a way to make money off of music for the rest of eternity.) They want you to think that, if they do go out of business, there will be no such thing as music, which is an even bigger, more obvious lie. (It puts the cart in front of the horse. Not even, because a horse could still push a cart. The label system is just a parasite on music.)

Take "The Hazards Of Love" as a case in point: there is no market for an album like this. It won't appeal to reviewers or salesmen. But it is a truly great work of art. The fact that it exists proves the recording industry wrong. Maybe it will take time for people to come around to this album before it gets the recognition it deserves, or maybe everybody will just move on to the next big thing and the next big thing, and we've reached the end of "history" as such because the scale and pace of our globalized system renders noteworthy achievements fleeting and meaningless. Whatever. "Hazards" is still awesome.

Anyway, if you're going to buy an album, you should buy this one. Partly to stick it to the man, and partly because it's so packed, it gets better the more you listen to it. I'm already committed to playing it until I get sick of it -- how long that takes will be the final test of its greatness.

And to satisfy your free music fix: the Decemberists debuted the album live at SXSW and you can hear it streamed on NPR's All Songs Considered website, or download the performance as a podcast from iTunes.